Special Time

 I've talked about having Special Time with the kids before, but I feel that its so important that I need to bring it up again.
     
        As a homeschool mom, it often feels like you are spending every waking moment with your kids.  (That is mostly true, but not entirely!)  But, because much of that time is instructional, or telling them things they need to be doing. "Take a shower" "Feed your pet" "Pick up your room"... there needs to be some time set apart each day to spend with each child... separately.

          This has become a very important part of our day.  For my older girl, it might be a walk up the "mall" to share a coke, or reading aloud to her.  For my younger daughter, it could be coloring together, or playing cards.  For my son it could be playing blocks or just going outside to play together. 
      I specifically tell them, "This is our special time together."  The other two children aren't to join in.  They each have 1/2 hour of computer time a day, so they can play on the computer or just entertain themselves while I spend time with their sibling alone.
                         
           Why do I feel this is so important?

                                   Individual attention!  Love!

 

     Don't you love it when your spouse puts aside time in their day to spend with just you?  Our kids also want our attention, and time... one on one.  This might seem insane when you already spent all day in school together but I have found that overall mood improves when we have Special Time.  Sibling rivalry *decrease*  (nothing would eliminate it entirely), and joy is increased.  The children are more willing to help out around the house, and aren't as antagonistic. 

         To be honest, my day is mostly filled with school, and then special time until it's time to start dinner.  But, I really do enjoy these moments with my kids, and feel that these moments are creating memories that will last a lifetime.  Of course, we all play together and have family time as well. But, I want to get to know each child as an individual.

Heather helping me bake for Special Time.

Childhood Freedoom

           I just read an amazing article about an Adventure Playground in Wales called "The Land".  I highly recommend reading it.

http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/

  The playground has no typical playground equipment such as slides, swings, etc.  Instead it is filled with junk such as used tires, old mattresses and barrels.  The children who play there are supervised by "playworkers" who watch the kids but rarely interfere with their play.  I think that this is a wonderful idea and that more of these Adventure Playgrounds should come around, especially in America.  They give children a chance to take risks and chances, and learn from their mistakes.
       That is one thing that I really do love about living here in Africa.  No, we don't have a fancy Adventure Playground with paid staff.  Instead, we have a neighborhood full of kids who are out playing on the streets, riding bikes, having sword fights with old plastic pipes or sticks, or making hide outs in the corners of the compound. 
         I grew up in the woods, and one regret is that my children don't have the opportunity to live in the woods like I did.  But, one thing that is the same is that sense of freedom.  My brother and I would wander our small patch of woods, and have "secret" forts, climb trees, eat edible weeds, and "bake" clay dishes on our BBQ pit.  Our kids are growing up with a little bit of that.  I do appreciate that there are armed guards at the gate of our compound.  Within the walls of our neighborhood, I basically let our children run free.
        Our kids are still normal kids though. If I allowed them to play video games and watch TV all day they would never go outside.  Sometimes I force them to go out and play even when they don't "feel like it".  Usually in five minutes they've found a group of friends and are playing until dinner.
         Not everyone has a neighborhood like that.  And, in America, I am much more vigilant- never letting the kids play out of my sight.  Somehow, here it's different because all the moms are home (mostly Indian mothers), and are also watching out of their windows.  We have security measures like a wall around our neighborhood and armed guards.  It feels ironic, but it feels safer here to let the kids run free and play.

5 things You Can Do To Diffuse Anger in Homeschool

    I LOVE homeschooling (see my previous blog).  There are times however, when I wonder, "Why am I doing this to myself?"   Usually these moments arise when one child argues, cries, or complains about the work assigned, or just plain lies down and refuses to do it.  What do you do then?!  I understand that this is what parents mean when they say things like, "Better you than me!" or "I could never homeschool my strong willed child!"  Well, I won't say it's easy, but it is DOABLE if approached in the right frame of mind.

  There are some things you can do when tensions run high in homeschool.

1.  Pray, pray, pray!
     Of course, this should be an ongoing thing in everyone's life, especially the homeschool mom!  I pray for patience, direction, MORE patience, and wisdom.

2.  Take a moment to cool off.
    My statement to said child is, "Either you can go and lie down on your bed, or you can get back to work."  If the child is truly beside themselves, lying down will do wonders for them-- they may even fall asleep!  A nap mid-day is great if the frustration is due to being over-tired.  If my child says, "NO!" to either choice, "Then no computer or TV time today".  Sometimes she chooses to work again, sometimes to rest.  Don't make lying down a punishment, just an option that they can choose.

3.  Re-assess the situation.
    After the initial emotions have cooled off, ask what is causing the problem?  Is a younger sibling causing distractions in the background?  Do they need a snack or drink?  Is this assignment frustrating because they don't understand it?  Try to decide how to solve the root problem. 
    This is HOMEschool, not public school at home.  You can go over the lesson again (and again, and again) until they understand; break it down into smaller, manageable parts; assign only a few problems out of the page to see if they understand; or skip that subject or lesson entirely until later that day or next week or next month.

4. Ask for help!
    When I'm at my whit's end, my husband is a wonderful support.  There are certain subjects that one child refuses to study with me because she doesn't like the way I explain it-- only Daddy will do for those subjects.  Be willing to recruit family and friends to come and help when needed.
    Also, don't be to ask for professional help if it's needed.  Like me, you probably didn't study education in school and can't be expected to know everything about child development and issues in education. 

5.  Keep it in perspective.
    How is your over-all relationship with your child?  If good, then don't let frustration in school change that.  If it's suffering, spend extra time to develop a strong relationship with them.  The facts learned in school are important, but the relationships developed with God and our families are more important. 

40 Things I Love about Homeschooling

*There is more time for teachable moments throughout the day.
             A theological question might come up as we are walking outside for gym time, or a question about the importance of drinking milk at lunch may lead into a discussion into osteoporosis and it's causes.

*I get the best of my children's time, attention, and mood, not the left-overs.

*More time to spend with the kids just hanging out.
          I would miss them so much when they went to school last year, and would be waiting until the time the bus would bring them back home.

*Healthy, home-cooked meals cooked to our family's preferences at each meal.
     
*No long, hot bus rides.

*No homework in the evenings.  
            Evenings are spent preparing and eating dinner together, playing a game or maybe watching a TV show before bed.

*Freedom to change the schedule during the day (end early to go swimming, or work through break because they are on a roll).

*Siblings get more time to spend together to play and to help each other with school work.
          I've enjoyed watching my daughters teach the youngest his letters, numbers, shapes and colors.

*We are able to spend extra time covering something until it is mastered, instead of rushing on to the next thing.

*More time to focus on strengths such as art, or even baking or sewing.  
          The girls can choose their own subject matters for papers and projects-- things that they really care about.  They can study extra about subjects that interest them.

*Freedom to change the school schedule throughout the year.
          We take off school for trips for visas, vacations mid-semester, or even to pick up our vehicle in Dar!  Then, we can choose to work through Easter without a break if we want, or spread out school evenly so we only have a few weeks off for "summer" without disrupting the flow of school.

*Seeing that look in their eyes when they learn to read or figure out a Math problem, and knowing you were the one to teach them.

*Knowing what they are doing, who they are spending time with and what they are learning throughout the day.

*Letting them sleep in until they wake up, and knowing they are fully rested.

*Leisurely breakfasts, with hot food, and time to relax and talk.

*Making sure subjects such as cursive and art are taught.

*The kids have friends of all ages-- and they see families as "units" and not "individuals", and they are friends with the whole family.

*Making time to play outside.
          Usually they play at least two hours a day outside, one hour during "school time", and the rest after school.

*Teaching my kids things like knitting, rug hooking, embroidery, and baking.

*More free time for the kids to just play and use their imagination.

*They are able to have snacks and drinks at their desk while they work, and we have a snack between breakfast and lunch.
            I'm still not sure how Katrina got through school last year without any snack breaks!

*They can listen to music or the audio Bible during school.

*I can test them orally (by talking about the subject matter to see what they understand), or look over their worksheets to see if they need more review or if they have mastered it.
           We do take tests, but not as often.

*We are able to go as slowly or quickly as my child needs through a lesson or chapter.

*Spelling and math games online count as school time.

*We can spend time in school memorizing Scripture, doing devotions, and praying.

*Negative attitudes and wrong behaviors can be corrected as they occur.

*Less illness, they don't catch every flu and cold.

*They are learning instruments not taught at school (piano and guitar).

*Jonathan (Pre school) can play most of the time, and learn at his own pace.

*Incorporating therapy into school is easy and we can do it everyday (we've done vision therapy, and Audiblox a dyslexia therapy).

*The kids learn to self-monitor their studies and learning.

*Being able to choose the curriculum that our family thinks is the best for each subject and for each child.

*Learning to get along and live with each other 24/7-- working through conflicts, frustrations and communications problems TOGETHER and then coming out closer because of it.
           We can practice grace and patience every day!

*Focusing on the End Game-- raising happy, self-motivated adults who are able to function on their own and who follow Christ's call in their lives.

*Learning along with them!
         My mom, who homeschooled me for K and 1st, will attest that I didn't want to learn Phonics.  I just memorized the words.  I was very interested when I homeschooled my kids to learn how Phonics worked!  I learn so much in Science, History, and Math that I forgot or never knew.

*Since Bill's office is in the house they get a lot of time with Dad too.
       
*Pets in school! 
           We just got a pet hedgehog, cute huh?

*Getting to read or study in bed during school.

*Not having to study something just because it's in the curriculum- having a choice to skip it or teach it differently.

Resourcefulness

I have to say that one thing that I LOVE about living in Tanzania and homeschooling the kids, is that it has developed the trait of resourcefulness and frugality in my kids and me.

       What do I mean by that?  Let me give a few examples.

*My daughters will get out old coloring books that are already colored in and "re-color" then so they look nicer.

*My oldest daughter can bake cookies and cakes from scratch without any help from me.

*The kids will play the same video game on the Wii for months on end, even beating it several times.

*They will watch the same movies over and over and read the same books over and over again.

*We never throw away any cereal boxes or other boxes, toilet paper rolls, or glass food jars because we might need them in an art project!

*I've learned to cook everything from scratch here, including maple syrup, root beer soda, and granola. 

*My oldest daughter will take old clothes that don't fit her anymore, and cut them up and then sew doll clothes with them.

Yesterday was raining, so the kids invented games to play inside.

Jonathan "bowled" with water bottles and a cloth ball.           

 Heather played hopscotch using the tiles on the floor as squares.

           Tanzanians are also very resourceful, and are always making it work with what they have available.  We didn't have a mop, so our house girl took a towel, and used it mop with.  (It's actually the preferred way of mopping here.)  They are great at seeing what is available, and making use of it.

      This mentality is the opposite of the attitude that says, "Just buy a new one" or "Just buy  _____" when you could have made it, or done with something you already have. 
    So... do a puzzle you have in the closet you haven't pulled out in years.  Re-read that book you loved in high school.  Bake a cake from scratch!  Take time today to slow down and appreciate what you already have.

Confessions of a Bad Homeschool Mom

I have read many blogs about homeschooling, and why you should homeschool.  So, thought I'd put my two cents out there.

  First of all, I never thought I'd be a homeschool mom, or at least I never really thought about it.  Even when our family went to the mission field in 2005 with a three year old and a 9 month old, the question never really bothered me much.  When our oldest was four, we put her into a nice, Christian pre-school.  I even worked there one day a week for about a year.  We planned to put her into one of the International schools that are in Arusha when she was old enough for Kindergarten. 

  *Then we looked at their prices*

 

 

       That was the first clue that I had that we would be homeschooling our kids.  We just could not afford to send our kids to the International school, as nice of a school as it was.   It was during this time that I felt a distinct calling to stay home with the kids and not be as involved with ministry for the time being.  Before this time, I was just as involved as Bill, and had a nanny to care for the kids. But, this was a definite turning point for me, and I started to see raising the kids as my main focus.

We ended up taking furlough before our oldest started Kindergarten, so she entered public school for the first half of Kindergarten.  Then, when we pulled her out half way through the year to return to Tanzania, we took the workbooks from her school with us.  That was all I knew to do, was to finish up the workbooks that the school gave us.

 

*We have made many mistakes in homeschooling.*

 

  I was so unprepared and really had no clue that first year.  I would just pull out her workbooks sometime during the day and have her do a few pages.  There was no consistency and she took affront to that.  Going into first grade, I actually ordered a complete curriculum, Abeka, if you want to know.  Another mistake I made was that I pushed her too hard, and created unneeded stress in our homeschool.   I would make her sit and struggle to read one page of her reader, with tears in her eyes because she just was so frustrated-- for up to TWO HOURS-- when the recommended time was for 20 minutes a day.  Looking back, why didn't I just do the 20 minutes, and then move onto something else, regardless of whether or not she finished the whole page? 

 

Then, due to expecting our third child, we returned to America the second half of first grade and we put her back into public school half way through the school year, and she had to learn an entirely new phonics system.  This, I am sure, slowed down her mastery of reading, as she struggled to figure out this new phonics system being taught in the school.

 

      We returned to Tanzania, and started homeschool again, this time with our second daughter starting K4, and also with a new baby.  Our oldest was starting second grade.  I began to try new things with her such as letting her jump on the trampoline during her flashcards, writing on a wipe off board, and in general not acting like we were having public school at home but having HOMEschool.   One negative of this time, was that I returned to America with our baby for a month for medical reasons, leaving the two girls with Bill and his parents who were visiting. The girls, especially the oldest, felt abandoned and the negative results lasted for years.  It literally took about two years for the anger and resentment from that to fade away. If I had the slightest inkling how hard it was going to be for the girls for me to leave them for a month, I NEVER would have gone. I would have found another way, somehow.

 

     About a year after this, we were suddenly uprooted from our country, and had to make a move up to Kenya.  We lived there for about a year.  Even though this was an extremely stressful time for us, as we felt removed from our area of ministry, and friends, it was a very healing time for our family.  We went from having Bible studies or discipleship meetings 5 nights a week to.....NONE.  We were basically just around each other all day, everyday.  It was during this time that I started an important ritual in our family- "special time".  Each day, I would spend about 30 minutes alone with each child doing something together like taking a walk, coloring, doing a puzzle, or baking.  This ritual is still a very important part of our day.

 

      We returned to Tanzania, and about a year after that, we took another furlough back to America.  It had been three years since our last time in America.  We decided to put the two girls into public school.  I won't say that it was a mistake, because they both had positive experiences. But, due to changes in public schooling (Common Core), I don't think we'll be putting them into public school again.  I wanted them to have a public school experience, and they actually had a great one.  We also needed a break from each other. We spent most of our time in homeschool fighting.  I really needed to take a year off.

 

       This year, back in Tanzania again, I have been trying to back off of my oldest daughter, and letting her take the lead in her education, now that she is in middle school.  I am trying to learn from my mistakes, and to not make the same ones again.  Next year, I am not even going to use the same curriculum for her, but am ordering from a different company for each subject.  For the first time in 6 years, I feel like I'm starting to feel confident as a homeschooling mom.

 

       Over all, here as some lessons I hope you can learn from my mistakes and some positives from my experience I hope you can learn from as well.

 

Mistakes:

Being unprepared, not researching homeschooling but just falling into it

Pushing too hard, creating unneeded stress instead of going at my child's pace

Switching phonics systems when she was learning to read

Arguing with my daughter to do her school work instead of finding ways to make it fun and exciting

 

Positives:
Feeling that God was calling me to this, that this was my purpose for this time of my life

Learning to loosen up, not having to act like public school at home, but having fun with it

Spending time alone with each child everyday in "special time"

Letting my child take the lead in her education
Learning to let the older children teach the younger children
Allowing children to learn and grow at their own pace, and to focus on their strengths not weaknesses